Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
