so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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