Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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