is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
