please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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