i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
