Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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