you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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