all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
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No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
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I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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