I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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