Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
