You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You ruined the universe
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
