I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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