You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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