Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
