Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
