Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it because I queefed?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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