hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
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There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
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I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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