I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
