We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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