i wish there were pregnant emoticons
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
