This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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