it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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