Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
