I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
