Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
