dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
