I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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