never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
