is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
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just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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