you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
