I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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