they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
