The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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