my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
