you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
