hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
