I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I could fuck to npr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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