We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
