'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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