he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh god it's open bar.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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