I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
