I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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