hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
no, he came in my armpit
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
