college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
