Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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