I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
