Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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