Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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