is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
