He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
