a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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