so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
