At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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