please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Enjoy the penises
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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