Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
