I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
