I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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