maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
