I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
