I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?