what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.