everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You smell like a Billy Joel song
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.