I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT