you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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