she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
