I cannot find my penis.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
