Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
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He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
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because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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