They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
