I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
