So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
