Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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