when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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