Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
