That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
