id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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