you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
