spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
