party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
