2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
