we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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