So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
