I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
