honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
