Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
