Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
