Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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